Steve Carell
ever. However, that is really not saying much, as liberals are all filthy pinko scum.]] '''Steve "Gandalf" Carell (born Michael Gary Scott, August 16, 1962, in Scranton, Pennsylvania) is a very talented reporter who, like Dr. Colbert, is a former Daily Show correspondent. Unlike Colbert, Carell has moved on to obscurity; unfortunately, everyone cannot be as successful as Stephen Colbert. Carell's career went horribly downhill after he tried to imitate Dr. Colbert's move to his own show and turned his back on the news. Carell could not find an outlet for his liberal propaganda, so he no longer has a job with the Daily Show or anywhere else. Last we heard, he is reporting the news on WBAK - Omaha Community College's favorite (and only) news station. Carell is married to Nancy Walls, who was also a Daily Show correspondent. Even just by hearing her first name, you can tell that she's trouble. Due to a small mix-up, Carell hosted an episode of "Saturday Night Live" instead of Stephen Colbert. Of course, Colbert would do better. Carell will star in a movie called "Get Smart," which is something Carell himself needs to do. The only time Carell had smart associates, was when he shared an office with Stephen Colbert & Spike Feresten When working on the Dana Carvey Show. Trivia *Carell changed his name from Michael Gary Scott after he lost to Stephen Colbert in eight straight games of perfectly heterosexual Ancient Greek Wrestling on their news segment "Even Stephven". *Even though Carell changed his name to match Stephen, he could not figure out how to spell it correctly. He also could not remember what Dr. Colbert's last name was, so he came up with Carell as a combination of his two favorite things: cars and oyster shells * Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert are actually twins. Not in the identical way, but in the Dany DeVito-Arnold Schwarzenegger way where Stephen got all the good genes. They were separated at birth so Carell would feel less inadequate. *Carell had a minor hit with an autobiographical documentary film entitled The 40-Year-Old Virgin. *Is the star of a TV show called "The Orifice." *Carell once threw up in Stephen Colbert's car after drinking for an hour. *He is part of the "Fat Pack" along with Will Ferrell (who is not a very good anchorman), Ben Stiller (who doesn't know what a gerund is), the Wilson brothers (who are the male Olsen twins), Vince Vaughn (Who Looks Like he needs a few more hours of sleep) and Jack Black (who can play the guitar, but not as well as Stephen Colbert). *Carell has actually kissed another male in his show, "The Orifice." Carell also starred in "Little Miss Sunshine" as a gay person who tried to commit suicide. *Carell loves lamp. *A black man posing as God asked Steve Carell to build an ark. He then begins to grow white hair. * Steve Carell is the result of a genetic experiment in which a hippie was cross-bred with a bear to create a leader for a future unified gay-liberal-bear agenda, which is why he is so extremely hairy. *Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell used to argue to each other in their segment "Even Stephven", but they would never speak to each other off-camera because Stephen hated and despied Steve Carell. Stephen hated Steve Carell so much that Stephen would let the sour yeast of his hatred ferment in the dark oak cask of his soul then once a month Stephen would untap the spigot for four minutes and pour the putrified vintage of his loathing into Steve's miserable snail like ears so that Stephen would get even Stephven with Steve Carell. *Steve has no idea what stem cells are. *God cursed Steve with a disease of "enlarged brass balls" when he joined forces with the WGA to shut down 'The Colbert Report' during the horror strike. *Steve's family name used to be Caroselli but his father changed it once he learned that he was being wanted by the Italian Mafia for stealing their money laundering. look very similar.]] Factoids * Claims to be pro-people, not pro-pot, but loves ganja and the exhilirating rush of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives him. * Is an evolutionary anomaly (if you believe in evolution) because he is both sweaty and hairy. * Likes a cookie. * once lost to Stephen and was forced to watch Rob Corrdry exercise shirtless at a funeral * He was paling around with known un-american terrorists Writer File:The last pharoah by steve carell.jpg File:Steve carell by steve jobs by steve carell.jpg File:50 shades of yams by produce pete.jpg File:Exploring the N word by steve carell.jpg File:Please stop hitting me by nobody.jpg File:Hot enough for you by steve carell.jpg Similarities to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad *They both have a beard. *They have both kissed a man. *Both are terrorists. *Both believe that Mohammed ibn Hasan will return to earth as the 12th Imam and bring about the end of the world See Also Ron Burgandy External Tubes *Steve Carell does his first interview after many years of absence *Steve Carell still unemployed